


The Path (and yet, here we are)

by lotsofquestionslimitedanswers



Series: To Be Better To You [9]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: (the mutations), Child Abuse, Geralt zones out while sitting down after a hunt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pain from past mutations, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25098331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotsofquestionslimitedanswers/pseuds/lotsofquestionslimitedanswers
Summary: Geralt Whump Week Day 5: LonelinessGeralt thinks about the Path. He contemplates his place in it and hisconfusion over Jaskier.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: To Be Better To You [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1616074
Comments: 12
Kudos: 91





	The Path (and yet, here we are)

Sometimes, usually when Geralt is alone, he thinks about what it was like to be unmade.

The pain.  
The fear.  
The anger.  
The overwhelming desire to know _why?  
Why_ was this happening?  
Why _him?  
Why_ did he need a new name?  
 _Why_ is his hair the wrong color?  
 _Why_ have his eyes changed?  
Why is everything _burning?_

Then he comes out of it.

Alone.  
Scared.  
Sweating.  
Heart pounding.  
Often in tears.  
Often in the dark.  
Feeling nothing but pain and regret and loneliness.

One time, he is not alone.

One time, he hears a voice.  
It breaks him from his thoughts of loneliness and anguish.

“Geralt?”

That voice sounds…familiar.  
But it’s so far away.

A few moments later, the voice returns.  
“Geralt? What happened?”

The voice returns.  
Again.

“Geralt, please talk to me. Are you alright? No, you don’t seem alright. Why did I even ask that? Are you hurt? _Where_ are you hurt?”

Where _is_ Geralt hurt?  
Does _Geralt_ even know?

Nowhere.

Everywhere.

Always.

It hardly ever ends.

At least…that’s how it feels now when his only anchor is a bodiless voice.  
When he’s trapped in the dark.  
And he doesn’t have Roach.  
And he doesn’t have a monster to distract him.  
And he doesn’t have another catastrophe to get himself into so he can hate himself for a new reason.

Geralt often meditates instead of sleeping to block out the screams.  
If he doesn’t sleep, then he doesn’t dream.  
Right?  
But, he knows he cannot go on like that forever.

Hands accompany the voice now.  
The hands are strong with calluses on the fingers.

Wait.

How does Geralt know about the calluses?  
Are these familiar hands?  
They must be.

These hands are steady.  
Direct.  
They’re not shaking.  
They make sure movements.  
Knowing movements.

Knowing where not to touch.  
Knowing what feels…good.  
Or at least as good as Geralt can feel right now.

The hands are not harsh.  
They’re not quite gentle either.  
They’re enough in-between to get Geralt’s attention without causing pain.

This has happened before.

“Please,” the voice breaks.

Or...maybe it hasn’t happened before.  
Maybe the hands do not know the situation.  
Maybe the hands know _Geralt_.

“Talk to me, Geralt.” The voice pleads.

_“Talk to me, Geralt.”_

Talk to me Geralt.

That’s what Jaskier had said.  
Before the incident with the djinn.  
Before Geralt’s wish nearly killed Jaskier.  
Before Geralt nearly robbed Jaskier of his short, human life.  
And yet, Jaskier stayed.

_“And yet, here we are.”_

Geralt does not understand how Jaskier came to walk the Path with Geralt.  
Well, that’s not true.  
Geralt knows how it literally happened.  
He just doesn’t know _why_ Jaskier wanted to walk the Path with Geralt.

Beautiful things are not supposed to walk the Path.  
They’re not made for it.  
That’s why Witchers are unmade and put back together over and over and over.  
As children.  
As teenagers.  
Until they barely know what (who) they were before they became a Witcher.  
So they can survive (suffer) the Path alone.

_“And yet, here we are.”_

The hands are persistent.  
They shake Geralt’s shoulders again.

Then they stop shaking Geralt’s shoulders and find a new place to touch.  
His hair.  
Fingers run through Geralt’s hair.  
Soft strokes.  
Gentle touches.

The Path does not  
has not  
can not  
will not  
allow for gentle touches.

Not in Geralt’s experience anyway.

Well, that’s not quite true.

_“I won’t be but silent back-up.”_

Jaskier has not been silent a day in his life.  
He’s never silent around Geralt.  
Geralt nearly has a heart-attack every time Jaskier tries to be back-up.

_“Ooh, I could be your barker!”_

Jaskier has improved Geralt’s reputation quite a bit.  
People spit on him less.

_“Toss a coin to your witcher, oh valley of plenty, ooh, toss a coin to your witcher, a friend of humanity!”_

Jaskier seemed to really believe that.  
A friend of humanity.  
Right from the beginning.  
Even though Geralt was not gentle.  
Even though Geralt did not act like Jaskier’s friend.  
Jaskier saw Geralt for what he was: lonely.  
In need of a friend.  
Geralt just wishes he would’ve been kinder to the bard.

_“Come on, you must want something for yourself once all this monster-hunting-nonsense is over with.”_

The Path does not allow for that.  
Why does Geralt follow it again?  
Geralt supposes he doesn’t know another way.  
Well, that’s not true either.  
  


Geralt wants Jaskier  
to be near Jaskier  
to be _with_ him  
to hold him close when one of them is scared or tired or sad  
to laugh with him  
to kiss him  
to hear him play music.

That much Geralt knows for sure.

_“Who knows? Maybe someone out there will want you.”_

Did Jaskier mean himself back then?  
Jaskier wants Geralt now.  
 _How_ does Jaskier want _Geralt_ of all creatures (people)?

“Open your eyes.” The voice says. “Look at me. _Please_.”

Geralt opens his eyes and stares into big blue eyes.  
Geralt would do anything for the owner of those wide blue eyes.  
And right now, they’re full of tears.  
Because of Geralt.  
Jaskier’s crying because of Geralt.

Why does Jaskier stay with Geralt?

“There you are, my love.” Jaskier smiles at Geralt. “It’s good to see your eyes. I love those eyes of yours, quite a lot. Do you know that?”

His smile is wobbly.

Geralt can only stare at Jaskier, wondering when the bard will be fed up with the Path.

Wondering when Jaskier will grow tired of someone who has been unmade.  
Torn apart.  
 _Broken.  
_ Stitched back together.  
 _Monster.  
_ Made anew.  
 _Freak.  
_ Left to protect a world that hates him.  
 _Pathetic.  
_ Confused about his place in the world.  
 _Weak.  
_ Lonely.  
 _Unwanted.  
_ Always so lonely.

“What happened, my love?” Jaskier asks, gently tucking a strand of hair behind Geralt’s ear.

Perhaps the unwanted part is no longer true.  
The lonely part is no longer true…most days.  
Some days the cold creeps in and Geralt cannot come out of it.  
But even then, Jaskier stays.

“The Path,” Geralt whispers.  
Geralt doesn’t know how to explain it. It just happens sometimes. Geralt could be meditating or sleeping or walking and he’ll…zone out…drift away with thoughts about the Path and his place in it. It’s a cold, lonely place that he drifts off to.  
It scares him.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.” Jaskier says. “Can you explain it to me?”

“I was thinking about the Path—the Witcher’s Path.” Geralt says. “Elaborating further might make me go back to wherever I just was.”

Jaskier nods as if what Geralt said made perfect sense.

“Do you know where we are now?” Jaskier asks.

Geralt looks around. He’s sitting on the edge of their bed at the inn. They’ve stayed here for a few days because Geralt got injured while hunting a griffin. Jaskier had to save him. It was a close-call for both of them. Jaskier’s got a nasty cut on his leg and is walking with a bit of a limp. Geralt broke his nose, got a concussion, broke some bones: arm, leg, ribs. He took some potions. He’s nearly completely healed. They should be able to leave tomorrow or the next day, depending on Jaskier’s leg.

“We’re in an inn. We’ve stayed here since the griffin hunt.” Geralt replies.

“Okay, good. It seemed important that you know where we are.” Jaskier kisses gently Geralt’s forehead. “I’m glad you’ve returned to me, dear heart.”

Geralt feels warmth bubble in his chest. He reaches out and pulls Jaskier to him.

Jaskier hugs Geralt back.

“I’m glad I’m back with you too.” Geralt says.

Geralt smells Jaskier’s happiness. It’s a sweet scent.

_“Just…trying to figure out what pleases me.”_

Jaskier asked to go to the coast together during the dragon hunt.  
Geralt has come to the realization that _he_ is what pleases Jaskier.  
But how could a Witcher please anybody?  
Especially a bard who can have (basically) whoever he wants?  
There are countless others who could please Jaskier.  
But Jaskier is with Geralt.  
Jaskier wants _Geralt_.

Geralt does not understand.

Geralt wants to ask all his hopeless questions about when Jaskier is going to leave him forever.  
But he’s too tired.  
Those questions will have to be for another time.

For now, Geralt just wants to hold Jaskier tight (as tightly as he can without reinjuring his ribs) and be glad that they are here.  
Together.  
Despite everything.

_“And yet, here we are.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm @lotsofquestionslimitedanswers on tumblr. I post my works on there too.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think!:)


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